Little Nuggets of Revenge, A “G” Rated Blog by BA

Little Nuggets of Revenge, A “G” Rated Blog by BA

As I diligently worked on building the Great Wall of B.A. today, I was reminded of, quite possibly, my funniest G-rated story to date, Little Nuggets of Revenge!

A while back, I had a problem with children walking through my herb garden. Every day a lady would come down the street in her minivan, turn around so that her minivan was ready for the direction that lead back to home and parked on the side of the street.  That’s if I was lucky!  Most of the time, she usually parked in my herb garden. The bus would arrive, the kiddies would hop off, running across the street in glee, jumping over the great wall of B.A and wreaking havoc all over my poor little plants.

The Adult Thing To Do

Now the adult thing to do, would be to have a chat with this woman and I did. I made sure I was out gardening when she came down to park. The obligatory, manufactured, b.s., small chat was made and then I dived in;

“Look. I have spent a great deal of time and money, planting and cultivating these herbs, I actually use them.  So, if ya don’t mind, please keep your kids from running through here.”

I mentioned she could park on the other side of the street and pointed out, if you just wait and turn your car around, after your kids get off the bus, they would get in on the street side of the van. She didn’t seem to warm to the idea, so I offered up parking in my driveway. I thought these were all great solutions. Yeah, she didn’t like any of them. I recall the days, when I had to walk 1/4 of a mile home from the bus stop. She can’t even have them walk a 100 feet up to my driveway, in plain view! Whatever, I tried.  Let’s see what happens!

OH IT’S ON!

So one day, not long after that, I was on my front porch tanning. ( Nobody can see me up there, because it’s really high.) Sure enough, Ms. Minivan comes down, turns around, parks. The little children get off the bus, run through garden, board the Minivan and she drives off. Now, I’m pissed. Ok… that’s how ya wanna do it,  BRING . IT .  ON!!!

At the time, I had two rather large Old English Sheep Dogs, Miya and Willow. Let me tell you, they pack some steamers. For a week I collected my little nuggets of revenge. Heheehehhehe. Oh this was gonna be good. An hour before her designated pick up “doodie” (hahahaaha), I laid my minefield. It wasn’t very difficult at all, seeing as the little rug rats had damn near cleared a path. Everything set in place, I went up to the porch, gathered my partners in crime and laid down in wait, giggling gleefully the whole while.

Sweet Smell of Victory

Ahhhh, here she comes, little MS. UTurn. She parks her perfectly clean minivan and unsuspectingly flips through her glossy magazine. I, of course, am laughing so hard in anticipation, I can hardly breath. God, sometimes I’m just so freaking brilliant… ohhh, I hear it in the distance. The Bus… It’s coming. I hold my breath. It pulls up… all the little kiddies screaming and yelling… one, two, three little children run off the bus. Oh they are so excited to get to the van, running through my garden, shouting about getting the front seat, Hahahahaha! Run little children, run, with your little heavy stomping, plant crushing feet!!!!!

What was the use? What could she “doo”, little nuggets of revenge were caked on three set of shoes!!

As they tramped halfway through my carefully laid minefield, the first child slows up, while the second one passes him by, eager to claim his favorite spot in the van.  Ahhh, greed, how it works to my advantage! The first child, who was passed, is approaching the van, now focused on his feet and moving at a considerably, much slower pace. Mom, who is growing more impatient by the delayed seconds, starts bellowing about hurrying up. It’s at this time everyone realizes, EWWWW! Too bad she already has the two on board. Bummer for you lady!

To my absolute delight, the third child is caught in mid minefield and upon her newly found realization, is gingerly trying to pick her way through little nuggets of revenge, at a snail’s pace. I am, of course, laughing so hard, I’m about to wet myself.

If you thought this story could not get any better, hold my beer!  At that very moment, like clockwork, two out of the three children start crying. Ah, victory is mine!  I wish I could feel bad but I don’t, not even one little bit! I could see the Queen of U-Turns bordering on panic and horror. Now, cracking at the strain of the loss of her clean and glossy world, she starts “barking” at her beloveds, get out! Get out of the car but she then caves. Crying children don’t listen or move. Besides, what was the use? What could she “doo”, little nuggets of revenge were caked on three sets of shoes!!

Sigh… so ladies and gents, that is how the shit went down, so to speak, between B.A and the Minivan Mom. To this day, they park on the opposite side of the street. (see above photo) To this day, I laugh my ass off thinking about this story. I am thankful that I acquired my fathers sick and twisted sense of humor in moments like these.

Thank You!

I hope you enjoyed reading “Little Nuggets of Revenge”. Check out my other BLOGS  or “LIKE” my FBPAGE!

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Thank you so much for visiting my website,

Peace, Love and Rocks,

BA.